If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
