what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
