You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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