she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
