so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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