Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
