I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
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Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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