things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
