Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
pray to the hookup gods
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
