i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
