I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
