So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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