Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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