There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
