Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
