How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
