Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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