My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
