she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
