I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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