it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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