whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Who died my cat blue again?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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