I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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