Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
