its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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