I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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