Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she told me i tasted like america
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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