my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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