My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
