Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
