My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
