i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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