Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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