Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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