i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize