Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
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I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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