I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
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well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
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Brb crying the tears of my youth
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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