thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
