Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
