Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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