My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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