i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
