I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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