so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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