Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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