you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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