True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My bed is full of blood and feathers
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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