Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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