i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
