She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
