he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize