I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
