I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize