is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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