I accidentally burped into my bong.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
