True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
