i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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