what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
