If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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