marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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