Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
