it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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