You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
