Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
dude. I can hear the air.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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