She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
