Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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