OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
