At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
