Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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