Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
