You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
