are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
