btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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