people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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