I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
