i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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